Dear Joe,
Just call me Billy. i have had the pleasure of being able to listen to your program for the past few years now because its the only station all of my officemates listen to. I never thought there would come a point in my life that I would actually be writing to seek your advice on a very delicate predicament I am in now.
I have just ended a five-year relationship with my girlfriend last January. Sometime last July, I met this girl in a bar on Timog Ave where my friends and I hang out to meet girls. Ive been branded in our barkada as a “playboy” because, modesty aside, I could have any girl I want with my looks and sense of humor. Irene and I dated several times and she really was a nice person. Its just that that every chance she got, she would mention this JB that she met in one of those out of town retreats. I became jealous and a bit intrigued by this character. So when I was given the chance to borrow her cell phone, I secretly browsed through her phonebook and copied JB’s number.
Things didn’t work out with Irene and me. But more than a month ago, while my friend and I were cleaning my car, I found that very small piece of paper where I wrote JB’s number. When I told my barkada about it, he told me to send a text message to the number because it might be a girl we could meet. So I did. After two days of exchanging messages with JB, I found out he was a guy, so I stopped texting him. But he continued to text me, wanting us to be buddies.
JB would call me at least three times a day just to say hi and would send me more than a dozen messages a day. At night, we talk about anything under the sun until the wee hours of the morning. He was so easy to like Joe and eventually I found myself getting excited when I hear his voice on my cell phone.
On Nov 2, I sent him a text telling him that the level in which we were communicating was creating confusion in my identity so maybe it would be better if we stop. After I sent that message, he sent me messages repeatedly and called my phone more than 20 times. I did not answer any of them because I didn’t believe that at that time, I would be able to explain to him what I was going through. It was about 2am Nov 3 when I finally answered one of his relentless calls and we talked for over 2hours. He tried so hard to comfort and reassure me that whatever I was feeling was completely okay with him and that I did not have to struggle mentally and emotionally to justify my identity.
I kept explaining to him over and over that I wasn’t raised to feel this way toward another man, and to top it all, I have a priest for a godfather who has always been beside me to constantly guide me spiritually and morally in all my undertakings. Just before we hung up he said, “I love you” to me in a way that I will never forget for the rest of my existence. The following days his text messages became fewer and for the first time, he didn’t call me for one whole day, though every message that he ent told me how much he missed me-my voice and my laughter-and that he cared for me so much.
On his birthday on Nov 6, I tried to reach him but I failed so I just sent a cake, a bear and a card to the address he gave me. I wanted to talk to him but he was suddenly avoiding me. Joe, I made up a reason and assigned a member of my staff to do a research on him. On Nov 14, I found out what I was searching for. He is a priest. I didn’t believe it until I saw the facts myself. I think the reason he started avoiding me was because he learned that my godfather was also a priest.
I’m so confused because even though I’ve found out who and what he really is, I still miss him and care for him so much. Does this mean I’ve become gay? Do you think its still proper for me to go and talk to him person ally to clear up what transpired between us? How could I forget him? Please help me. This matter is raising questions about my existence in this world.
Thank you in advance for whatever enlightenment you might be able to give me and for taking the time to read my letter.
BILLY
**************************
I don’t believe that caring for JB or missing him means you are gay. How we love a person differs according to sex. Loving someone of the same sex doesn’t always mean that there is something amiss with out identity. You are confused because what you felt for JB was something that you knew you should only feel toward women. But you haven’t done anything wrong. You just wanted to express your feeling to someone who made you feel important and loved in a very different way.
But I believe, Billy, that this where you draw the line. You must have had relationships with countless women and most of them might have been just objects of your fantasy and desire. Your five-year relationship with your girlfriend recently ended and you found some sort of a replacement in your ”mobile” affair with JB. He made you feel special in a way that no other women had ever done. Maybe he also felt the same for you but he opted to stop before his feelings got away out of hand. You should put an end to this quest because you know what could lie beyond the boundary that you are trying to cross. You are a man and you should not obey your heart when it tells you to become someone you should not be.
JB was right. There was nothing wrong with what you felt. what makes it wrong is when we act foolishly to justify or satisfy our desires. Do not let your heart rule over your head. there is nothing wrong in looking for someone to love but it is better to have someone who can love us back just as much without breaking the rules. Someone we can be with without having to push others side. Someone we can love without any guilt. Someone we can spend our lives with freely forever.
Joe D’Mango
credits to: Joe D' Mango
Just call me Billy. i have had the pleasure of being able to listen to your program for the past few years now because its the only station all of my officemates listen to. I never thought there would come a point in my life that I would actually be writing to seek your advice on a very delicate predicament I am in now.
I have just ended a five-year relationship with my girlfriend last January. Sometime last July, I met this girl in a bar on Timog Ave where my friends and I hang out to meet girls. Ive been branded in our barkada as a “playboy” because, modesty aside, I could have any girl I want with my looks and sense of humor. Irene and I dated several times and she really was a nice person. Its just that that every chance she got, she would mention this JB that she met in one of those out of town retreats. I became jealous and a bit intrigued by this character. So when I was given the chance to borrow her cell phone, I secretly browsed through her phonebook and copied JB’s number.
Things didn’t work out with Irene and me. But more than a month ago, while my friend and I were cleaning my car, I found that very small piece of paper where I wrote JB’s number. When I told my barkada about it, he told me to send a text message to the number because it might be a girl we could meet. So I did. After two days of exchanging messages with JB, I found out he was a guy, so I stopped texting him. But he continued to text me, wanting us to be buddies.
JB would call me at least three times a day just to say hi and would send me more than a dozen messages a day. At night, we talk about anything under the sun until the wee hours of the morning. He was so easy to like Joe and eventually I found myself getting excited when I hear his voice on my cell phone.
On Nov 2, I sent him a text telling him that the level in which we were communicating was creating confusion in my identity so maybe it would be better if we stop. After I sent that message, he sent me messages repeatedly and called my phone more than 20 times. I did not answer any of them because I didn’t believe that at that time, I would be able to explain to him what I was going through. It was about 2am Nov 3 when I finally answered one of his relentless calls and we talked for over 2hours. He tried so hard to comfort and reassure me that whatever I was feeling was completely okay with him and that I did not have to struggle mentally and emotionally to justify my identity.
I kept explaining to him over and over that I wasn’t raised to feel this way toward another man, and to top it all, I have a priest for a godfather who has always been beside me to constantly guide me spiritually and morally in all my undertakings. Just before we hung up he said, “I love you” to me in a way that I will never forget for the rest of my existence. The following days his text messages became fewer and for the first time, he didn’t call me for one whole day, though every message that he ent told me how much he missed me-my voice and my laughter-and that he cared for me so much.
On his birthday on Nov 6, I tried to reach him but I failed so I just sent a cake, a bear and a card to the address he gave me. I wanted to talk to him but he was suddenly avoiding me. Joe, I made up a reason and assigned a member of my staff to do a research on him. On Nov 14, I found out what I was searching for. He is a priest. I didn’t believe it until I saw the facts myself. I think the reason he started avoiding me was because he learned that my godfather was also a priest.
I’m so confused because even though I’ve found out who and what he really is, I still miss him and care for him so much. Does this mean I’ve become gay? Do you think its still proper for me to go and talk to him person ally to clear up what transpired between us? How could I forget him? Please help me. This matter is raising questions about my existence in this world.
Thank you in advance for whatever enlightenment you might be able to give me and for taking the time to read my letter.
BILLY
**************************
I don’t believe that caring for JB or missing him means you are gay. How we love a person differs according to sex. Loving someone of the same sex doesn’t always mean that there is something amiss with out identity. You are confused because what you felt for JB was something that you knew you should only feel toward women. But you haven’t done anything wrong. You just wanted to express your feeling to someone who made you feel important and loved in a very different way.
But I believe, Billy, that this where you draw the line. You must have had relationships with countless women and most of them might have been just objects of your fantasy and desire. Your five-year relationship with your girlfriend recently ended and you found some sort of a replacement in your ”mobile” affair with JB. He made you feel special in a way that no other women had ever done. Maybe he also felt the same for you but he opted to stop before his feelings got away out of hand. You should put an end to this quest because you know what could lie beyond the boundary that you are trying to cross. You are a man and you should not obey your heart when it tells you to become someone you should not be.
JB was right. There was nothing wrong with what you felt. what makes it wrong is when we act foolishly to justify or satisfy our desires. Do not let your heart rule over your head. there is nothing wrong in looking for someone to love but it is better to have someone who can love us back just as much without breaking the rules. Someone we can be with without having to push others side. Someone we can love without any guilt. Someone we can spend our lives with freely forever.
Joe D’Mango
credits to: Joe D' Mango
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